


nobody saves me baby, the way you do

by Stylinfab



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depressed Louis, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-16 19:12:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2281380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stylinfab/pseuds/Stylinfab
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>louis thinks life is pointless<br/>harry thinks life is beautiful<br/>they meet and it's the worst and best thing that could have happened</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi I don't know what I'm doing with this fic but I had an idea and I had to write it so i apologize if its shitty, here's an introduction.

Depression isn't at all like people make it seem.

It isn't being surrounded by people who understand and help you recover, and there's no one to talk to when it's four in the morning and all you can think about is how much you don't want to be alive.

It's lying in bed every night and praying that you don't wake up in the morning, and it's lonely nights and lonely days and wishing you'd never pushed away all of your friends because maybe it wouldn't be such a heavy weight on your shoulders if you could share it with someone else.

And the thing about Louis is, he doesn't really have anything to be sad about. Maybe his mum kicked him out for being gay, and maybe his best friend beat him to a pulp when he found out, but there are people who don't have a decent meal or roof over their heads and there are people who's children have just died and it's really a bit pathetic that he can't handle the pain of a few people calling him a fag.

So life carries on. He doesn't enjoy it, he doesn't enjoy anything really, but it's life, and he can't change all the shit that's happened to him. He doesn't tell anyone that he wants to die and he doesn't tell anyone that all of the love and appreciation he used to have for the world is rapidly crumbling into dust.

It's not like he's completely alone. There's his friends from uni, Niall and Zayn, who he speaks to more often than anyone else and would actually consider being close to if he didn't know he'd end up getting hurt in the end. He's been that way ever since he left home when he was eighteen, and in those three years he's built up walls that ten thousand bulldozers couldn't knock down.

His first year of uni was all a lie really, because it was the year he spent trying to be a normal nineteen year old and went out partying every night and hooking up with every guy he saw. Needless to say, the excitement didnt last very long and he wound up waking up every morning feeling like crap. Guys never treated him well, he was seen as an easy hook up. And then he met James, his boyfriend of 6 months. It was great until he caught him with another guy. 

This lead him to spending his second year locked away and his flat, sitting on the bathroom floor covering his legs and arms with scars that are slowly fading away. It was the worst year really, because it was the year that turned him into an empty shell of a person. 

So maybe his third years going to be better, or at least he's going to try and make it better without fucking everything up along the way.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> louis meets harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hi hi I don't know how but I completely forgot about this fic but I FINALLY decided to write again so I hope you enjoy this!

You always hear people talking about how amazing university is, about the friends you make and the experiences you have. Louis had enjoyed his first year, despite spending the majority of it either drunk or sleeping with random guys whose names he didn't know then and doesn't know now, because he hardly thought about the shitty life he had left behind. He didn't think about his mum or his four sisters who he didn't even get to say goodbye to, and he didn't think about his best friend telling him that he was disgusting and kicking him in the stomach. 

So yeah, his first year was decent, but then came James, the stereotypical third year with messy hair and long legs and blue eyes, and Louis was madly in love with him. He was so in love that he pretended not to notice that James was no way near as invested in the relationship as Louis was. It was hard to pretend anymore when Louis went round to his flat and found him balls deep in another bloke. 

Louis completely crumbled. He pushed all his 'friends' away and dropped the party animal act, and then proceeded to spend his whole second year locked in his flat punishing himself for being so naive and stupidly in love to notice the fact that when James said 'I love you' he never really meant it.

It was possibly the worst year of his life, which is saying something because the year his mom told him he couldn't live at home anymore because he liked guys was almost equally as bad.

His third year went off to a decent start. He met Zayn and Niall, who haven't given up on him yet despite his efforts to push them away. There's also the minor detail that James graduated last year so Louis no longer has to have any awkward encounters bumping into him around campus. All in all, Louis feels a little more hopeful than he was a few months ago. 

/////////////////////

The cafe Louis' sitting in has a very nice ambiance to it. He's always liked this cafe, liked that its not too loud but not too quiet, and he likes the staff and the way they know his name and have his order memorized. He also likes the fact that it has huge windows covering the vast majority of the wall that faces the uni campus, so he can watch people milling around and going about their day to day business from the warm safety or the cafe. 

"Tommo!", Louis hears Niall before he sees him, and he has to fight a smile because Niall is just one of those people whose presence just makes your day a little bit brighter. 

"Niall, hey," Louis greets, smiling at the blonde lad when he slides into the empty seat opposite him, "How's that music assignment of yours going?" 

Niall's face visibly lights up when Louis asks about his assignment, because Niall loves music and its his favorite thing to talk about, so when he starts rambling on about the song he has to write and different notes and instruments, Louis just smiles and nods at the appropriate moment. 

The thing is, Louis knows that its going to be a long time before he'll be truly happy, in fact he's not sure he's ever going to be happy. But he still finds little things that make him smile. Niall makes him smile, one of the proper smiles that he wasn't even sure he could do anymore after the last year, because Niall is like a walking bundle of energy and happiness and its so refreshing that Louis clings on to it as tight as he can. 

But as much as Niall makes Louis happy, there's still a large part of his mind that's screaming at him, telling him not to let himself get close to someone because in the end it's all going to go to shit. He's torn, between trying to rebuild the life he had before he was a mess, or continuing to push people away because after everything he's been through its the only thing he really knows how to do anymore.

/////////////////////

Niall invited Louis round to his and Zayn's flat, they're having a small 'get-together' with a few other guys from their uni, and Louis has been sat on the bathroom floor in a towel trying to figure out why that's such a scary thing to him. Maybe because the last time he really 'socialized' properly was when he was with James and even then he never really enjoyed himself ; he was pretending to be someone else, someone who didn't hate himself and his life. And frankly, he doesn't really know how to be a normal 21 year old. He doesn't know how to have a casual conversation or mingle or make someone laugh. All he really knows how to do anymore is lock up his emotions and put on an act to make people think that he isn't completely falling apart. 

But this is his chance, his chance to stop moping around his flat and feeling sorry for himself and finally be a normal 21 year old university student. So he gets up off the bathroom floor, avoids his mirror because the hundreds of scars on his body are a constant reminder that he is anything but normal, and makes his way into his bedroom. He picks out his nice black jeans which he hasn't worn in a while, (they used to be tight on him but it seems he's lost more weight than he thought) and a baggy grey jumper that's soft and covers the parts of himself that he would rather nobody see. He grabs his phone and wallet, and texts Niall saying he's on his way. 

Niall lives in the student accommodation next to the university campus, so Louis walks as its only about 5 minutes away. He likes walking, likes the freshness and the silence when there's no one around. The streets are fairly empty, it's a Wednesday and its only seven o'clock, so its not very busy. 

When he arrives he has to give himself a little pep talk before ringing the door bell, because honestly as much as he's trying to convince himself that everything is going to be fine, he is absolutely terrified. Sure they've talked a lot at uni and could probably label themselves as friends, but Louis hasn't had proper friends in a while, not since Stan, and the fact that they could react the same way he did when they inevitably find out about Louis' sexuality almost makes him turn around and go back home.

But he rings the doorbell, because fuck it, if that ends up happening then he only has himself to blame. 

Zayn answers the door, and Louis smiles without realizing it, because Zayn genuinely looks happy to see him and Louis finds a little bit of his nervousness disappearing. There's some music playing quietly in the flat behind him and he can hear laughter and talking and as scary as it is it seems quite calm, so maybe Louis was worrying for nothing. 

"Louis! Hey bro how are you?" Zayn leads him into the flat and Louis tries not to panic because there are people in there that he's never met and what if they hate him? 

"Uh, yeah I'm good, thanks for inviting me by the way," Okay good start Louis, he thinks, you didn't stutter or start crying, that's something at least. 

"No problem man, you're a lot of fun and our friends wanted to meet you, tonight seemed like a great opportunity," Zayn shrugs, and suddenly they're entering the kitchen and Louis freezes because there are several unfamiliar faces turning to face him along with Niall where he's leaning against the fridge. 

"Lads! This is Louis, Louis this is Josh, Liam, Jake, Ed and Harry," Louis tries his best to smile and say hello to all of them without looking like an idiot, because he can do this, he's not completely incapable of acting like a normal human being. But then he catches sight of the last boy Zayn had pointed to, freezes because he's got green eyes and curly hair and he's smiling at Louis like they've been friends for years, and Louis doesn't think he's ever seen anyone so gorgeous in his entire existence. 

Fuck, he's absolutely screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's really short but I'm hoping to write a lot more so I should be updating again soon :) Please tell me what you thought!

**Author's Note:**

> I HOPE YOU LIKED IT PLEASE COMMENT AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT


End file.
